Oh what a joyous Christmas time..... [19 Dec 2005|01:46am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Baby It's Cold Outside - Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey ] So I went and saw "The Family Stone" tonight, which by the way is an awesome movie. It was really sad though, so prepare yourself. But anyway, it reminded me of a few things, like things with Adam... and then to top it off, I went to the mall with my mom and it seemed that every where I looked there was a couple holding hands, or kissing, or a guy holding all his girlfriend's shopping bags. It was kind of like they were all doing it on purpose to rub it in my face. I just wanted to fall on my knees and break down right there (and I haven't wanted to do that in a while). Christmas is starting to reallly get to me, and I'm trying so hard not to let it. I know things are different this year, and that's okay because I still have my amazing family, and some people don't even have that. Besides, Valentine's Day will be 300x worse............. p.s. and just so everyone knows, you don't have to care, but just know, we (you know who that is) used to sing Christmas carols together and it was the most amazing thing ever because we both couldn't sing, and we didn't care. p.s.s. and around this time we went to Mt. Dora to see the Christmas lights, and that's when he first told me that he loved me, and the first time I realized that he was BEYOND the most amazing boyfriend, and PERSON ever. NOTHING will compare to last Christmas.... I'm sorry, I'm just upset. 9 comments|post comment

Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear. [08 Nov 2005|03:30pm] [ music | Run - Snow Patrol ] "Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you are to become who you will be." - Carrie, Sex and the City WOW okay so I haven't updated or even LOOKED at this thing in like a billion years. It's definitely weird, and it certainly brings back some memories (good and BAD). College is great! I love it, I just miss my family and friends back home way too much. But other than that, everything is..... fine? There are a FEW things that I wish that I could change, or do, but I can't and that's just that. I miss Adam more and more each day, like crazy! I'm very much alone (no boyfriend yet!) and that's fine because I'm not emotionally ready for something like that anyway. I'm so unstable it's not even funny. I have good days and drunken nights, and then I get to the point where I just want to scream, yell, or fight someone. I'm pretty much a wreck. I do well at hiding it though. Only in my room do I let my emotions run wild. I think I have to do it that way because I don't want anymore sympathy -- it doesn't help. Sorry! I mean yeah it's good to know that I have people who care, but in all honesty hearing the same thing over and over doesn't do a damn thing. ANYWAY, I guess this is it... I hope everyone back in APOPKA is having a grand time. I haven't seen anyone (besides my closest friends and of course, my family) in a REALLY long time. Have fun everyone, enjoy the rest of high school -- and be safe! -RACHEL ZUGELDER p.s. Just a warning. You probably won't hang out with any one you hung out with in high school when you get into college. Priorities become out of whack and boys become more important. Hopefully that won't be the case for anyone else, unfortunetly it is for me. But I think that it has probably been one of the best things to happen to me, because I've met so many NEW amazing people whom I absolutely LOVE to hang out with, so don't worry about me, i'm okay =) 11 comments|post comment

Very Interesting.... [07 Jul 2005|02:01pm] Part Freaky Kisser When you kiss, you want to experience something new A new technique, a new partner, a new piercing... And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictable There's no saying where your tongue or hands will go Part Expert Kisser You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable What Kind of Kisser Are You? post comment

The Summer from HELL..... [03 Jul 2005|02:55pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World ] I thought things were supposed to get easier with time. The only thing that time has done is make things harder. I want to be normal again, is that too much to ask? I want to go out tonight and not think about how Adam should be here with me still. I want to go out tonight and have a good time and not end up crying at the end of the night. Overall, I want Adam back. (I thought I would just throw that one out there since I'm talking about things that I want.) I want so much, but yet it doesn't seem like that much.. I just want my best friend back. I want to call him and tell him that I love him and that I'm sorry. I want him here to motivate me like he always did. That way I wouldn't be sitting at home all the time and I would be out working and doing something productive. Here's a question: Why is it that certain generations go through their entire life without ever losing someone they love, yet WE have dealt with several deaths in our 4 years of HIGHSCHOOL! And the people we lost just so happened to be some of the most influential people we've ever met. I just don't understand the logic behind it all. And I think I'm going insane trying to figure it out. God please help me get through this Summer. Or is that too much to ask? -RACHEL ZUGELDER 17 comments|post comment

[05 Jun 2005|05:20am] [ mood | blank ] . 1 comment|post comment

[30 May 2005|01:14am] [ mood | I don't know anymore ] I haven't heard Adam's voice in 10 days. I haven't smelled him in 10 days. I haven't touched him in 10 days. I haven't seen him in 10 days. I haven't kissed him in 10 days. I'm going crazy. And it's only been 10 days...... 7 comments|post comment

[28 May 2005|03:15am] [ mood | woah ] What did I just do tonight? (Pain + Beer = Trouble) 1 comment|post comment

[27 May 2005|03:54am] I believe. 4 comments|post comment

[23 May 2005|11:19pm] I have found nothing at all to make me feel better. Talking to his family makes things worse, talking to his friends makes things worse. I don't know what to do anymore. I haven't eaten.. I've barely slept. I know this is stupid and I shouldn't even think about this but how much easier would this be if I just went with him? Why did I make it out with a few bumps and scratches and a broken heart and he had to be taken from me; He had to leave my side? Why? I know these questions will never be answered I just don't know what I'm supposed to do now. He was my best friend, my life preserver, my everything. Now, I have nothing and it kills me to think that there were so many things we could have done to prevent this. Why when I put my seatbelt on when I got in the car didn't I tell him to do the same? Why didn't we leave at 8 when we were supposed to? Why did he insist so much on bringing that stupid tool box with us? WHY GOD WHY???? I don't get it, it isn't fair! I need him soo much. And everyone keeps telling me that God took him because he has a better plan for him, but that isn't it.. Adam wasn't finished with his life.. He wanted so much to be a father and a husband and to have a house on a lake with a big dock and a boat... with me! And now he CAN'T.. EVER!!! I mean how am I not supposed to be angry with God? Tell me that! How am I supposed to ask him to help me out when I have before and have gotten nothing in return. I'm really giving up on it all and really starting to not believe. Every night I talk to Adam and I get nothing in return, how am I supposed to believe that he's there if I have no proof? And the worst part of it all is that every day I wish I was dead, I wish I was with him because I'm not afraid of death now because I know or I hope that he will be there when I go.. and I cant WAIT for that day to come! No one knows how this feels.. no one knows what it's like to close your eyes and the first thing that comes to mind is that day. What he looked like just sitting there so helpless and I tried my best to get him out, but his door wouldn't open.. I feel in a way that I let everyone down.. and I know it's not my fault but it could have been prevented. I love him so much and I pray that no one, NO ONE ever has to go through this because everyday you feel so worthless and you feel like people are looking at you like why did she make it, and he didn't? I don't know anymore...... Last night I had a crazy dream. A wish was granted just for me, it could be for anything. I didn't ask for money or a mansion in Malibu, I simply wished for one more day with you. One more day, one more time, one more sunset baby I'd be satisfied. But then again, I know what it would do.. leave me wishing still for one more day with you. First thing I'd do, is pray for time to cry. I'd unplug the telephone and keep the TV off. I'd hold you every second, say a million I love you's. That's what I'd do, with one more day with you. One more day, One more time,One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied But then again I know what it would do. Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you. One more day One more time One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied But then again I know what it would do Leave me wishing still, for one more day. Leave me wishing still for one more day. Leave me wishing still for one more day, With you. One more day. One more day... Adam Michael Stratton March 6,1986 - May 20, 2005 I will love you until I die</3 14 comments|post comment

[09 May 2005|11:14pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | My Chemical Romance - Helena ] In approximately 12 hours I will be finished with High School... forever =) In a way I'm sad because I'm going to miss a lot of people but at the very same time I'm so relieved because I'm finished and won't have to wake up at 6:21 every morning to sit in dumb school.. and I won't have to see people I don't want to see or associate myself with.. it feels wonderful! To all of the incoming Seniors - good luck next year! The school year will fly by more quickly than ever! Enjoy every ounce of it while you can =) Rachel<3 3 comments|post comment

[28 Apr 2005|05:03pm] The yearbook is AMAZING! Yearbook staff, you did an AWESOME Job<33 2 comments|post comment

[26 Apr 2005|06:23pm] [ mood | Apathetic ] You know, not having 50 friends isn't too bad. Sitting at home on the weekends with your parents just watching movies is awesome. Going to your boyfriend when you have a problem and acting really stupid in front of him is amazing. Not caring about who's wearing what today, and what everyone's doing tonight is such a relief. I wish more of you could realize this..... 16 days until I'm free =) 12 comments|post comment

PICTURES!!! [18 Apr 2005|06:00pm] ME! EVERYBODY! ALL OF US HOT GIRLS =) ADAM & ME<3 <333 More coming.... 7 comments|post comment

HEYYYO! [18 Apr 2005|05:21pm] [ mood | thankful ] Best weekend ever.. just a few MINOR set backs but everything turned out exactly how I had pictured. The actual prom was LAME so we left an hour early and went to our hotel. I had a blast and I didn't even need any alcohol to have fun, it was the best. I think everyone pretty much had a great time.. I am kind of sad that it's all over but oh well, now it's on to bigger things in life =) I'm glad that Adam was here this weekend and he got to join in on the fun (except for the dance part, but that wasn't fun). It really meant a lot to me that he was there, I love him<3 I think what definitely made my weekend the best was Adam surprised me with 2 Disney tickets to whichever park I wanted to go to. Of course I chose Magic Kingdom and it was amazing. I had the most awesome time with him. So that's how I spent my Sunday, I wish it didn't have to end... So graduation is in less than a month and this week is senior week.. No school today =) It was senior skip day and all I did was just lay around with Adam -couldn't ask for anything better- Unfortunetly he had to leave and I would be lying if I said I wasn't upset, because I hate it when he leaves.. But anyway, I'm exhausted so I may just lay around some more.. Byeee<333 -Rachel p.s. I'm not gunna lie... I had the best weekend ever! 2 comments|post comment

[11 Apr 2005|08:32pm] I'm officially through trying... who needs friends anyway? 1 comment|post comment

This is your life, are you who you want to be? [10 Apr 2005|10:26pm] [ mood | Content With My Life ] [ music | Switchfoot - This is Your Life ] I seriously loved every second of my weekend. It consisted of many amazing things such as... -Backrubs -Makeouts -Pedicures -Walmart at 2 in the morning buying nothing of importance -Drinking beer -Being with some pretty awesome people -Laying around all day with Adam -Not turning the AC on and being extremely hot (not so amazing) -and much more I love it there, I hate it here.. that's all that needs to be said about that! So Prom is in practically 5 days, and I'm sooooo excited. Hopefully it'll be better than last year's. Anyway, I'm going to bed now so goodnight everyone<3 p.s. I've come to realize some things about some certain individuals. I wish there was something I could do to help them out and I wish they knew how much I cared.. p.s.s. I love my boyfriend.. but everyone already knew that =) 2 comments|post comment

[29 Mar 2005|12:57pm] [ mood | cranky ] 7 weeks; 49 days; 1,176 hours; 70,560 minutes.. any way you look at it, It's so close and that makes me the happiest girl alive =) I love my boyfriend. That's all! <3 rachel post comment

[17 Mar 2005|01:24pm] [ mood | thirsty ] So it's official, I'm on Spring Break right now. Whoooo now I can go out and get drunk every night at the beach and flash all the totally hott guys on the strip for totally awesome, colorful beads... Sike! Spring Break is not that big of a deal. Last year we were all so excited about it, and well what do you know, it didn't quite turn out as well as we all had hoped. There are only 3 things (and this list is very broad) that I'm doing this break: 1. Going to Tallahassee to see Adam (which will be the best part of my break) =] 2. Going to the beach as much as I can 3. Working (unfortunetly) Anyway, school still sucks but thankfully I won't have to think about it for a whole week. My grades should be OKAY on report cards except for one which we won't speak of. ONLY 2 MORE MONTHS (exactly from today) UNTIL GRADUATION!!!! I <3 my boyfriend! -Rachel 2 comments|post comment

[15 Mar 2005|08:21pm] [ mood | disappointed ] Why do the people that mean hardly anything to me always seem to make me feel my worst? Like I don't matter, like they're too good and too wrapped up in high school to say hello to a friend. People like that don't mean anything to me, yet they are the ones that always put me in bad moods, they are ones that make me feel like I'm nothing to anyone. I guess I'm just thankful to have the friends that I do have, the ones that will tell me when I'm in the wrong, and when I've pissed them off. Not talk about me behind my back and pretend that we're the greatest friends of all time to my face. If you have a problem with me, come to me. I'm so sick of it here. The only thing I want to do is be with Adam and move on to college into another town. Only 9 more weeks until I graduate from highschool. Only 9 weeks until I can actually choose who I want to see. I can't wait! -Rachel 1 comment|post comment

Life is AMAZING! [13 Mar 2005|05:36pm] [ mood | Absolutely Perfect ] So today was the most perfect day I have ever experienced. Nothing beats spending all day at the beach with Adam when the weather is absolutely gorgeous. It was definitely a good way to end the weekend, it just sucks that he has to leave me again =/ BUT the weekend isn't QUITE over yet. I am going out to eat with Adam and his family to celebrate his birthday (which was a week ago), so that should be fun. Well I hope everyone else enjoyed this lovely weekend<3 1 comment|post comment

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